I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
