Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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