Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
