"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
