Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
