Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
