True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize