Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
