hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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