3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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