someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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