people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
