I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
