is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
