So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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