how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
