just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and she was petting her beer can
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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