Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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