Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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