My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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