she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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