Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize