Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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