He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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