we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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