You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
