Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
