my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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