Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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