New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
