At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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