Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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