This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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