my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
