one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
