dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
