Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
