I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize