But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize