I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
