Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
