I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize