I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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