We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
