See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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