The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
