Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
