woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They took my balls.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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