Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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