Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
