I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
