when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
only if we run a train.
done.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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