I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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