this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I know her cup size but not her name....
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