the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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