separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
