Are we in a gay sports bar?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
