I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
