im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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