Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
a search helicopter?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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