You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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