You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I forget how to act sober
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
