this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
