Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
