Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
