Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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