a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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