I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
