You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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