so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize