Do you still have your period?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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