and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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