He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
