I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My vagina just clenched in fear
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
