he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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