The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
