I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
