she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
