he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
