I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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