I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
