two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize