I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
