There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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