Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
