I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
