seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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