i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I believe in your delicious
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
