I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
