He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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