I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
