I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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